I told him recently I needed him to be more in control. I needed to be able to feel his control even when he wasn't around. I need to feel his safety net always. He agreed to give me more. More control would mean
I'm not sure it's that I'm testing the boundaries? I know those are made of stone and I won't be able to push my way through. It's more me getting into an independent place in my head. A place I find hard to escape after so many years. I can take care of myself. I am strong. Yet, somewhere in that place, I know my submission lies. Waiting for it's chance at freedom.
My rule breaking is a sure sign of lack of submission, not a lack of wanting it. Wanting it and doing it are on so different levels. I'm going to master this thing.
This weekend, he has decided to initiate a submissive day. A day full of doing only what I'm allowed to do. A day where I ask for everything I need or want. A day where the word sir will be used without fail. A day where I do only as I am told. A challenge I am ready to take.
I will be the best I can be because that is what he deserves. He gives me so much, loves me deeply and wants to be with me forever. I am such a lucky woman to have a man, a best friend who is willing to give me all I need.
Be patient with me, I'm still learning!