It's been a very trying week. A lot is going on and a lot of family drama has taken over my world. All in all, I've not have any major melt downs or attitude issues. A few small ones yes but nothing so major that I dreaded being spanked for. I was spanked, just didn't dread it.
I've dealt with a lot different spankings over the last 4+ weeks. Maintenance & reminders once a week. Discipline and punishment when necessary. So let's just say I've experienced it, should have gotten a T-shirt. Instead got bruises and an inability to sit still without remembering why I should be good. (Let's say I have a bad memory)
That being said. I never cried. It's not that I wasn't remorseful because I was. It's not that it didn't hurt because believe me it did. (Well there was one that didn't but that's another story and he figured out the problem and fixed it LOL). I don't know why, just no tears.
This mornings reminder was no different than any other. He used the belt (which he rarely uses but he broke the paddle - I kinda want that paddle back. Shhhh don't tell). It wasn't any worse than any other reminder except I'm different this week. I'm sad and I haven't shed any tears for that either. So today for the first time, I cried during a spanking. Not a big blubbering baby kind of cry, just a few tears sneaking their way down my cheek.
It wasn't the spanking that made me cry but I felt a little better.
The look on his face was troubled. "You cried?" Almost an accusation tone in his voice. As if I'm not allowed to cry. I simply said "yes sir" and let his tone pass by. (See they have these "tones" too but they won't admit it). He looked heart-broken. He actually couldn't believe it and I think it hurt him to see me cry. He had not been expecting that. He was not prepared to comfort his crying wife.
So tears are his kryptonite. If only temporarily, I saw the weakness in his eyes. I won't use my new found tool as a means to escape any spankings in the future (or will I?). I don't know if ill ever cry again. I don't know what the magic combination is for the big baby blubbering relief cry I've heard about. Maybe I'll never know.
I do know that like the cute adorable sweetness that I try to use from time to time, tears will not deter him for long.
Still learning all the tricks.
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