I have a natural ability to over-share. I also find guilt to be a gut wrenching experience. I do not like that guilty feeling and being a natural over-sharer I have no problem confessing. It's not a bad thing to confess. It's not a bad thing to relieve yourself of the guilt that you're holding onto. The only down side I've found is the trouble it keeps causing me.
Now is it confession that is causing me trouble? NO! The fact that there are a few rules that I insist on breaking over and over that is causing me trouble. The phone use in the car seems to be one that I just can't get past. I know there is danger, I know there is a rule but sometimes it just seems easier to use the phone than to let someone else feel any kind of stress because they couldn't reach me. Seems easier at the time, but a few minutes later, after thought, I know it was wrong. No amount of excuses I can come up with seem to make it any better. The excuse to not cause others grief, ends up giving me grief in the end.
The disappointment on his face, the tone in his voice, the words of lecture are spot on creating more remorse. The punishment would come in the morning after confession because it was already late. He put me in position, he lined up his paddle and once again reminded me why these rules were rules and why I was to obey them. There was no amount of squirming or trying to get away that would sway the sting of that leather paddle. No amount of begging or promising to be good deterred him from his task. The good news is I felt better after confessing and being punished. All things are forgiven and forgotten. The bad news is that he likes that big giant leather paddle and I don't think he's sending it back anymore. It was horrible & I don't want to meet it anytime soon. Today I sit gingerly. The phone safely tucked away in my purse for the duration of my travels.
So confessing I broke a rule (again) isn't really hard. Accepting the fact that I'm in trouble (again) isn't that hard. Sitting afterwards, that's hard!!!
You'd think I'd learn by now but Nope!!! Still learning!!!
You're a great writer. Keep it up. Blogs like this helped me so much in the beginning of our journey.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the compliment. I never really thought anyone would read and enjoy it. I'm glad someone does. It helps knowing we are not alone in our struggles and journeys.
DeleteConfession can be difficult but I feel strongly that it's important. It's a necessary part of holding ourselves accountable and reinforces trust.
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend, you need to find a blue tooth headset or such if it's necessary to have access to your phone in the car. Otherwise, put that phone where it's completely out of reach.
Anyway, keep 'learning'.
((hugs)) ~Cat
I have a Bluetooth and headphones with a mic. I just never like wearing them. LOL.
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