How did I get here? How did I break such an important rule? Why, in that moment, did I let my anger get the best of me?
It was a typical morning. Work was moving along just fine until ...
Really? Could these people be so disrespectful? Profanity laced outbursts directed at no one and everyone all at once. Not really a screaming fit as much as a tantrum. I have trouble with people leaving such a mess in a shared space. It's rude & disrespectful.
I felt horrible after. I texted Fonzi and told him everything. He said we would talk when I got home. The rest of the day went pretty well. I'm sure there were a few other things I did wrong that day added to the events from yesterday. Our conversation that night was geared more to an understanding of the rules and how they apply in real life situations. How even when we are not together, they are there for my/our overall well being. I felt horrible, I knew I had again let him down. I knew I was in for something to remember but it would wait until morning when there were fewer people in the house.
I knew from last night that this mornings punishment spanking would be intense. He did not let me down. I came out of the shower to see ALL his tools lined up neatly on the bed. Butterflies again. No way out of it. So, after the last kid left for the day, it was a trip to the bedroom to remember. OTB. I laid down and tried to get as still and quiet as I could. He told me again why I was here. Calm & relaxed, lecturing softly.
The warm up was quick, the stick was fierce and the paddle brush was intense. I honestly can't remember if there were more or if he used one twice. It felt more like he was using them all at once. I tried to be still, steel my resolve into not moving around but it was impossible. I wanted to sink so far into the bed that he couldn't reach me anymore. We took a break so I could calm down. Once calm, it began again. The rolling around, the hands trying to cover. I did not take my first punishment spanking well at all. When it was over, he snuggled me, rubbed my back and told me it was ok and how much he love me.
A quick look in the mirror confirmed what I knew. This color would last a few days and change a few shades of purple along the way.
I dressed for work. What a day and it had only just began.
I learned that everything I do affects someone else in some way. Whether I'm late or throwing a tantrum. I may not be hurting anyone but my actions do come with consequences. I will get angry again but next time, I won't lose my temper & have a tantrum.
Please be patient with me, I'm not done learning yet.