Emotions

It's been a while since my last post. I don't know where the time has gone, seems like yesterday.  I'm to a point where I'm not sure what to write about. I seem to get in trouble all the time and really this place has been a reflection spot for me. I've read back on everything we've gone through and see how far we've actually come. I've changed, he's changed and best of all we are changing.

I have felt more emotions in the last 11 weeks. All of them really.   Today I was in trouble for my mouth. Some stuff I said yesterday, some magical words I'm not allowed to say any more were texted over and over again. I knew I was in trouble, I was on his lap, bottom bared and waiting when he said to me "you really need to watch what come out of your mouth". He was being serious, I got the giggles. When he asked why I was laughing, I told him it wasn't my mouth, it was my fingers. Oh the humor didn't last long. The problem was, I never got my head into that remorseful state where the spanking was going to help. Once it started, I wanted to be there but never made it.  So when he made me kneel for the first time ever in the corner, I just got mad.  From giggles to mad in under 5 minutes, gotta be a record in there somewhere.

Well mad led to attitude and as we all know, I have trouble sharing why I'm upset. Little more attitude, little more serious hubby. (Seriously, this man has too much patience with me)  I did tell him the corner time just upset me. He didn't really say much, just gave me a look of "really". Which I should have read as a warning but I didn't.   So mad brat escapes and runs amok in the house. Stomping, slamming doors,rolling eyes, I knew she was out & didn't care.

I was, however, somewhat in control believe it or not. I did mind my rules about texting him when I got to my destination and asking for things I wanted to have but were at his discretion as to whether I can have them or not. I was still mad, just not crazy.   He texted me about what was wrong and knowing I went over that line. I asked if I was I was in trouble. He replied with a definite yes.

What I found myself feeling was relief and happiness. I don't know why but all of a sudden the dark cloud that was my mood, along with the brat, disappeared. I'm not worried about the consequences for the trouble. I'm ok with whatever comes. What I know is he loves me enough to still want to be near me when I'm a miserable brat.  

Still seems rather strange to me that I can feel all this in such a short amount of time. I'm glad the black cloud lifted. I'm glad it was his text that made it go away. He loves me. He wants me. He wants us!  I'm still learning and soon I'll be able to control that brat all the time. (HA I won't hold my breath for anytime real soon). I'm grateful Fonzi is a patient man. I love him!!  We're still on this journey together!!