I should be able to do that so long as I stay within my boundaries. I am able to be whatever I need to be. I'm just not able to do it within my boundaries. Unfortunately, they are restrictive in that regard. They are supposed to be. The guidelines we've set forth are for us. To keep us focused on the big prize - a happy harmonious peaceful marriage.
I'm almost over it. I'm starting to feel better about the world and being a part of it again. I also feel really guilty about all those things I did in my (for lack of better word) tantrum. I confessed. To all of it.
What I really wanted was for Fonzi to be my rock. My safe place. Even though he was partly to blame for my unhappiness, he stood firm never yielding to my emotional state. Steering us ever so quietly through the storm. We've reached the harbor and I think the the boat will be in for some repairs.
I'm slowly learning to control my temper. Following the rules when I'm mad is a huge hurdle I have yet to clear. There is a lot of work to do on this path and we are still moving forward. I'm a work in progress and I'm not done learning yet.