I should be able to do that so long as I stay within my boundaries. I am able to be whatever I need to be. I'm just not able to do it within my boundaries. Unfortunately, they are restrictive in that regard. They are supposed to be. The guidelines we've set forth are for us. To keep us focused on the big prize - a happy harmonious peaceful marriage.
I'm almost over it. I'm starting to feel better about the world and being a part of it again. I also feel really guilty about all those things I did in my (for lack of better word) tantrum. I confessed. To all of it.
What I really wanted was for Fonzi to be my rock. My safe place. Even though he was partly to blame for my unhappiness, he stood firm never yielding to my emotional state. Steering us ever so quietly through the storm. We've reached the harbor and I think the the boat will be in for some repairs.
I'm slowly learning to control my temper. Following the rules when I'm mad is a huge hurdle I have yet to clear. There is a lot of work to do on this path and we are still moving forward. I'm a work in progress and I'm not done learning yet.
Hey Erika! A friend sent me over and I've been lurking around. I have a typing problem right now but I wanted to say hi. You will likely look back six months from now and be amazed at how much you have changed and conquered. Be patient with yourself and celebrate every little success.
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by. I am amazed at how far we've come in just a short time. So much has changed an so much still needs to. Anger management is a work in progress.
DeleteHi Erika.
ReplyDeleteSorry I am so late in commenting ( sheesh that makes it sound like you have been waiting around for me..lol) I was on vacation.
I understand exactly how you feel, ( I think). When I am hurt/angry I want to stay that way until I am done being hurt or angry. I don't want 'canned' comments or patronizing statements about 'this too shall pass'. What is worse, is since starting Dd the anger emotion seemed to Supersize itself. Fear not it generally levels out as time goes on- for the most part.
I too found, especially if Barney was part of the reason I was angry it very, VERY difficult to stay in those boundaries we set out for our relationship. During those times I try to remember ( often in vain) that 1) Barney wouldn't generally react the same way towards me in a similar situation and 2) that I generally offer more grace to others than the love of my life and I should try to change that. AGAIN....often my anger can blind me, but over time I have been getting better.
Now that you are in your harbour maybe you can calmly talk to Fonzie. Mention to him all the things he did right while you were tossing your little ship around, and possibly mention things that might have helped you looking back. I mean sure hindsight is 20/20 and maybe nothing could have helped you out of the storm sooner, but it is worth a shot.
love willie
( oh and watch out for that Susie, once her hand is better she types on and on....she can make me look mute!)
It is so hard especially when I am mad at him or I perceive it as his fault. Can take me day to figure out what it really was and by then it's way too late. The repairs on the boat were thorough. I hope they'll see me through the next storm. LOL. I'm sure they won't, it's an old boat and repairs are often necessary.
DeleteI'm sorry to hear that, Erika. I've experienced what Willie says about the emotions being supercized since dd - I wish they'd tone themselves down a bit. I hope you're out of your funk by now ( or at least better).
ReplyDeleteIt is better. Usually once I vent here, it is easier for me to tell him what I did or what I was feeling and why. The emotional roller coaster is not one I imagined would be so terrifying in the venture.
DeleteHey Erika, I have a hard time following rules when I'm mad too. My mouth just seems to run away with me. You are not alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks
DeleteOne day I will learn to control my mouth and temper. Until then, expect plenty of blogs about them.
Hi Erika,
ReplyDeleteI am part Irish and have the red hair and temper to prove it! :0) It does take a bit of pushing to get me in full temper, but my husband (bless his heart) has a job on his hands when I do blow. Pouting is an art form that I have well mastered and can get me in trouble faster than most other things, as Alex hates any form of pouting. He will give me time to get my pout on and out but if I pass my limit or push his HOH buttons too much in the process... Ick. Not good. But I feel justified in my pouts while they are happening, it usually takes weeks or months afterwards to really (I can fake it until I make it to make my HOH happy) look back and see that perhaps my pout was a bit much for that particular situation or maybe I had opportunities to not blow up in the first place.
I guess the point that I am taking forever to make is that you are not alone in your temper or pouts. :0) Don't be too hard on yourself or this particular situation just take what you can learn from it and then forget it and move on. I know, easier said (or I guess written in this case) than done.
Hugs,
Irish Lucky
Hi Irish Lucky
DeleteThanks for your comment. I wonder if I can use my Scottish/Irish decent to justify my tantrums. I still don't think Fonzi will let me get away with them. It is nice to know, however, that iam not alone. In these moments, I can't help but feel I am the worst wife/tih any HoH could ever have. I am the one he has, luckily that's enough.