What did we do to get back on track? We TALKED. I know right. Such a concept. I had to get past the fact that you quiet non communicating husband wasn't going to start a conversation about where we were. I swallowed my pride, bit the bullet and asked to talk. What I heard was distressing and confusing even more than I was before. What he was feeling was the same as I was. He also wondered why I wanted this but couldn't follow simple rules. How could I need this and not want to at the same time. He basically was frustrated with my inconsistency. GASP!! Now I'm even more confused. How could he possibly think I was in any way at fault for any of this?
So we talked and we talked some more. Then we got back on track. That part wasn't much fun for me but after there was the peace and harmony that I had been longing for. I'm still confused but I know I need to try just as hard as he is.
Fast forward a few more weeks.
I went on a short vacation where he was unable to go with me. During my absence he recharged his HOH batteries and we are now almost as good as we ever were. If I had thought our previous back on track spankings were severe, I learned how wrong I was. I'm not sure how or where he got ideas from but it seemed that everything I wanted him to figure out, he did. He's got the restraint part down and he push a few limits he hadn't gone close to in forever. Needless to say, I didn't sit well for a few days. He told me I had gotten what I had been needing for quite some time. (Don't tell but I was glad he finally stepped up and did what needed doing without fear of me getting upset or mad. I had to agree, it was what I needed) I may still be confused about the path we are on, but I'm content and happy where we are.
It's a bumpy road and we are still learning to navigate the trail. As long as we do it together, I will be happy.
So glad your feeling the harmony that a DD relationship can bring.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely does take consistent work and scheduled discussions to talk things through and stay on the same page.
And as we all know, Communication is one of the vital Keys to DD :)
See you in the chat room!
Respectfully,
MrBB
Thanks. I think communication is important too. I also think telling it like it is, is just as important. This life isn't easy and if you quit trying for even a little while, it can and often does fall apart.
DeleteYou are so right. Telling it like it is, is important and falls under the honesty area of Communication. And honesty is yet another vital Key to DD.
DeleteAs far as being easy, you're right again... it's not always easy, especially the first year or two.
But nothing worthwhile is ever easy :)
I have known you through The DD Chat Room since you two first began. I hope you don't mind me saying, from the outside looking in... you have grown tremendously in your DD dynamic.
Keep working on it, IMHO... you're doing great :)
Respectfully,
MrBB
Ah yes self righteousness, I know it well. I mean it isn't like I act UP like *cough* some people we know, but I have my issues. As you may recall even this angel gets stubborn, and doesn't go into UBER submissive mode when I notice Barney slipping, or even saying a simple, " hey I feel we are slipping here' to help. Well in all fairness been there done that, I (self righteously) feel I shouldn't have to....BUT in the end I am just as much at fault as he is, darn it, if I see and do nothing either.
ReplyDeleteHappy you are in your 'happy place' Standing no doubt!
snort
Loves ya!
willie