What did we do to get back on track? We TALKED. I know right. Such a concept. I had to get past the fact that you quiet non communicating husband wasn't going to start a conversation about where we were. I swallowed my pride, bit the bullet and asked to talk. What I heard was distressing and confusing even more than I was before. What he was feeling was the same as I was. He also wondered why I wanted this but couldn't follow simple rules. How could I need this and not want to at the same time. He basically was frustrated with my inconsistency. GASP!! Now I'm even more confused. How could he possibly think I was in any way at fault for any of this?
So we talked and we talked some more. Then we got back on track. That part wasn't much fun for me but after there was the peace and harmony that I had been longing for. I'm still confused but I know I need to try just as hard as he is.
Fast forward a few more weeks.
I went on a short vacation where he was unable to go with me. During my absence he recharged his HOH batteries and we are now almost as good as we ever were. If I had thought our previous back on track spankings were severe, I learned how wrong I was. I'm not sure how or where he got ideas from but it seemed that everything I wanted him to figure out, he did. He's got the restraint part down and he push a few limits he hadn't gone close to in forever. Needless to say, I didn't sit well for a few days. He told me I had gotten what I had been needing for quite some time. (Don't tell but I was glad he finally stepped up and did what needed doing without fear of me getting upset or mad. I had to agree, it was what I needed) I may still be confused about the path we are on, but I'm content and happy where we are.
It's a bumpy road and we are still learning to navigate the trail. As long as we do it together, I will be happy.