Ok well, I'm done being afraid. I need this place to figure out my feelings and emotions, so no more fear of someone knocking down my castle of solitude. This is my place after all, and if you don't like it, well move on. (Seriously, I hope you like it tho. And want to stick around. I'm not really that tough)
So here's my newest ramble
Since my last post, we celebrated our first year of DD and our 21st wedding anniversary.
The DD has had its ups and downs, which I've come to find normal in this lifestyle. The marriage (which no one said would survive) has been steady and rock solid lately. No more doubts that he is leaving, no more fear (that word again) I will be old and alone. We are good!!
On the DD front, we have been on the on/off again path. No big secret there. I've noticed where I'm changing and it's good. I'm not quick to anger or brat. I'm comfortable letting him lead and being in control.
The other day I did something I didn't think was a big deal (or didn't do) It's a small rule, something just between us. He asked why I hadn't followed through on it & my only response was that I simply had not made the time. He didn't say much. I resumed my morning. He sat up in the bed and grabbed one of his favorite implement (the evil paint stick to be exact - not the oar). When I asked what this was for, he looked sad. He told me he was disappointed in me. He said when I don't follow through with the little things we agreed to, it's like I didn't find the time for him.
Wow! I wasn't expecting that response. I'm glad he did it. He is finally taking care of disruptions of our balance when they occur. I found peace after that. There was no time for cuddling but I was safe and secure in the knowledge that he cared for me, for us. I'm happy. We are happy. I am truly remorseful that I disappointed him in that way. I will be more careful in letting the little things slide.
We are good. Learning to take the journey together. Ready to let him lead.
I'm done being afraid of everything. I'm done letting people control who I am or who I want to be. With one exception. My self confidence is growing again. I'm safe. I know he will protect me. My doubts are fading, my fears diminished. I'm back. You have been warned. LOL