Saturday, September 20, 2014

Electric fences

The electric fence or invisible fence is a great deterrent when it's working. The trouble is they often fail in extreme storms and never work during power failure.  

I've decided the rules are like that electric fence. When they are enforced, like the fence, they deliver a strong negative force you'd think twice to go near again. When they aren't enforced, it's as if the fence is lacking power. You know it's there, but when tested, nothing negative occurs. No jolt to bring you back to the proper side of things. 

We've been in our own little storm today. Forces outside our own creating a tornado of angry and hurt feelings.  Not at each other but at this particular force. I guess we all have them. Problem is, the fences are down. I've tested them. (I see you rolling your eyes at me but it had to be done). I'm stressed, unhappy by these events and feeling unloved and unwanted. (The un's). I hate these feeling more than the thought of trouble I'm causing myself. The storm has knocked out power to my fence. All attempts to cross boundaries have been successful so far today. 

I know this storm will pass. We get to spend all day tomorrow storm free but I'm not sure the fence will be mended in time. How long will it take to mend the fence this time?  I'm not feeling as strong as I was once and I need him to be solid in the storms.  

Ugh - I dislike feeling this vunerable and needy sometimes. I just want to be held and sheltered. I want him to be my umbrella not shivering in the cold wet rain with me. 

This journey will continue, the path goes on. This time I'm bringing waders!!  I'm learning to endure through the mud and muck. 

12 comments:

  1. I like your analogy. It's what I've tried to explain to Steve about the need for consistency. Whether I'm accidentally wandering across the line or deliberately testing it (and let's face it, we all test the boundaries at times), I need to know that fence is active. And that need is even stronger when things are going crazy in our world.

    You guys will get through this. Whenever life starts storming on us, I just try to remember that you can't have a rainbow without the rain. I'm not always successful at remembering that, but we always manage to make it through to see the rainbow.

    Hugs,
    Dana

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    1. Thanks Dana
      Happy to report that the power was restored. At least until the next storm.

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  2. I hate feeling vulnerable and needy also. I'm sorry about your storm. We have a minor storm hitting us today, too. Plugging along together trying to rise above it. Enjoy your storm free day tomorrow. Blessings.

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    1. Thanks zbg. - storm free days are the best!!

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  3. I love your post!!!! I have a feeling though we might be seeing a rainbow or red glow coming from the North. LOL! I think most of us have that needy vulnerable feeling at times, I know I do, but at the same time those feelings if Lee notices them show him how much he is needed, to me that is also very important for them to know they are needed. Loves & Hugs!
    honey

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    1. Aww Honey
      This storm did not yield a rainbow.

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  4. Yes those electric fences are only good if they are turned on. Barney refers to them as my 'safety nets'. I am okay 'falling' if I know they are there. The real issue is that over time, the less they appear to be there, the more difficult it is to let go and trust them when they are there.

    Take a quiet, calm moment Erika and show him this post. Talk to him. I know it is AGAIN, and I know the outside storms are contributing, but trust me....the more times this happens and the longer you stay silent, the more likely little walls will build up. Ones that are much more difficult to take down.

    love willie

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    1. Thanks Willie
      As always talking to him during the storm is still difficult. I have spoken with him (again) and let him know my feelings. That raised more questions and concerns but that's another blog. This storm has cleared and the power is on.

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  5. Wilma is right, the longer you stay silent, the more the little walls will build. You just need to calmly talk to him and tell him how you are feeling, show him your post. Rog always reads my posts and it's a great way to start the conversation, it helped him to read my feelings, it helped him to understand.

    We all tend to go through times of testing the fences, feeling more needy and having storms come through, your not alone. Just remember that you are a strong and brave couple and things do get better, each storm does have it's rainbow!
    Kim

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    1. Thanks Kim
      I know he follows the blog and gets emails. He's never said anything about them so I don't know if he reads or not. I think it might be harder to say all I say if I know he's reading, so part of me is glad to not know. We talked through this storm and it has passed. On to the next as they say.

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  6. Erika,
    I am late at finding you. Welcome! I love your analogy. Keep writing.
    Meredith

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    1. Thank Meredith
      Sorry I'm late noticing your comment but I do enjoy knowing people are reading - late or not.

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