After almost two years of DD, I'm not sure how to be anything else. I'm not sure I want to. The place we were before was so sad and lonely. I was angry all the time. I was pushing everyone I loved away from me. I was depressed. I wasn't loveable.
So he's not sure he wants DD anymore. What it feels like is he isn't accepting of me or who I am. I know his decision isn't about me, it's about him and where his mind is. I'm trying to accept that but it's hard. I've told him many times how I feel and why this is important to me and he doesn't respond. He doesn't share what he wants or what he feels. I never know. I'm shut out right now.
I don't want to be his roommate. I don't want to go back to the way it was before. The me before! I'm so confused. So lost.
When did we take this detour? Who set up this road block? How & when do we find the road back to happy and content?
We recently took a breather, on my request. We discovered a lot about ourselves. At first my new found freedom was more rewarding than I thought. My mind was freed in ways I didn' t think it needed to be. Of course after a few days the novelty wore off. BUT something remarkable happened, even though l generally don't fins my submission too difficult, I turned back to doing evryrhing he expected from Ds before. Thus time for me even more than before. That even included doing things he'd never see, and I didn't care. On his end he became bossy, dominate, even though there were no expectations.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes a breather is a good thing. Especially for the one who didn't bring ttwd. It allows them to just 'be' and think without the pressure of being. Thunk of it as regrouping. You know we can only bang our heads against he wall for so lomg before we have to step back and say, maybe we should look at this a different way.
Try to think of this time as an opportunity. Get to know yourself better. Recognize your submissive heartset within you, separate from Fonzi. That could very well be the key to discovering a stronger footing for you both.
You'll both get through this if you focus inward...both of you. Use this time to your advantage, learn, discover, and then apply.
Good luck!
Willie
Damn! Sorry about all the typos! I don't have my laptop, and I suck at touch screens- obviously!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting a comment from you on this one. LOL. The break was short lived and really just a word. More on that later I promise.
DeleteAnd why exactly were you not expecting a comment on your post??? lol
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