I've been asked to write answers to questions he's given me. This for him is a way to see if I know what it is I did or want and why I want or did these things. He's asked me what I get out of this lifestyle and what I think he gets. I thought a long time about that one and almost didn't answer the question. The thing is sometimes what's in my head can't make its way out onto the page. I get so totally overwhelmed that I shut down. Like most things when I'm inside my head, I can't manage to fight my way out. But he demanded I answer the question and wouldn't let me off without it getting done. Once I started, the ideas came flooding out and there it all was written down. He was pleased and I was happy again. I'd done it. I wrote to please him and in doing so pleased us both. Cheap therapy.
Recently he asked me to write a story about a couple in a DD relationship and how I saw the HOH as being in charge. What I wanted in an HOH is what he wanted to read. He expected it to be a quick story, a short story. Boy was he wrong. It ended up being a novella that took almost 5 months to write. What I learned from writing it is there really only is fantasy and reality and no matter how much I tried to fuse the two, they are still just that. Yes the characters to me are real, I created them but they will never be real real. I'm ok with that. It's a damn good story - even if I don't let anyone read it. (I haven't decided). As much as I wanted him to be my perfect HOH, he will never be. I already have the perfect HOH for me. I do hope he reads it and finds himself in the character. I feel better having written it and I think that's part of the lesson he wanted me to learn. When I am focused on writing, the chaos of the world melts away and for a while I am there, in the story, calm and at peace.
I wonder if people who write lines or essays feel anything when they are made to write. I'm sure they learn a lesson, or why bother, but does it make them feel anything? I'm thankful he makes me write things that have purpose. Lines would drive me insane. I'd feel something alright but it wouldn't be positive.
Which brings me to the point of my post. Really there was a reason for all this. The other day he asked me to write a pledge. An oath of sorts to recite to him every morning. A DD mantra just for us. Something that meant something to us and only us. I found this overwhelming and couldn't start thinking of it. I searched the web for help, there had to be someone else doing this. I found nothing. No hope of hints, no clue as to what he wanted and the deadline loomed like a big grey cloud about to dump a whole heap of nasty on my bottom. I got encouragement from a friend who told me to write from my heart. Using his guide p, I quickly wrote some words on the page. Short simple and us! (I do have to memorize this after all - long was not an option). I did it, I wrote it & it felt really good. He read it, he liked it and so it becomes a part of my daily routine.
I pledge to try my best to be a good faithful submissive wife. To honor and obey. To follow where you lead even when I disagree. To accept your word or consequences in the loving trusting manner in which you give it. I pledge to be yours!
As with anything TTWD, find what makes you happy and use the tools you create together along the way. The tools will change, the journey will evolve and become so much more than you imagined. As long as you stay together in your goals, all will be right in your world. I write to bring myself joy and peace. He asks me to write because he knows I find solace there. I find myself there and sometimes I need to be found.
We are still learning, sill growing and for once residing on the same page.
